I can run but not hide.

Well, I think I have shared before that I suffer with depression. It's a disease. I haven't found a cure but I have tried to find some relief by reading and asking professionals questions. I take some medications but that is only a temporary thing. With depression you never know when things will change. You may be fine one minute and the next, well it is like driving late at night in an area where there are no lights. There is a little fog which puts you on alert but one minute your lights are reaching into the darkness and you feel confident about where you are going and then BAM! the fog gets heavy and a wall of white comes up in front of you. You know the road is there but for how far. That uneasiness sets in and doubts flood you entirely. It's not easy to describe depression because it affects folk differently.

I discovered that I had depression in 1993, when I was forced to be acting principal at Wingfield high school. For those of you that are that old or forgot, that is the school where the world thought Bishop Knox was suspended from duties for allowing the students to pray over the intercom when in all actuality he was suspended for not following directives from the superintendent. It was a very tough time and that is when I was diagnosed with depression and given medication to help. I realized at that time that I had experienced depression for a long time. I gave up a year of eligibility to play football at State because of depression. I had contemplated suicide when I was in college because of depression. I missed a lot of good relationships in college because of depression. There's this commercial on TV that says "who does depression hurt? Everybody." Just in the last year my thoughts of being worthless and a problem for my family lead to me making a plan and trying to follow through with that plan to end my life. I've hurt the ones I love most because of depression. I take medicines for depression. I go to a counselor, who has saved my life twice. I pray about my depression several times a day.

Now if there is a cure I haven't found it but the struggle goes on to live a life experiencing some joy and peace. My joy comes from doing good stuff and serving others but most from those who I love most in this world.

I'm a person of faith. I love Jesus Christ with my heart. I want more of Christ every day, but even that seems to be hindered by an emotional clamp. Depression can be a real "hell" in this world for anyone who experiencing it. It is one of those things that you can run from but you can't hide. It is a constant battle that has to be fought and the battles are filled with strategies to keep those that you love most from suffering along with you.

Comfort comes from those who love me and in my faith knowing that Christ is sufficient for all our needs.